Hot and bothered.

not that any of you care, but I need to vent someplace, carry on scrolling.

My ex boyfriend is a dickwad. I’m somewhat friends with him (kind of by force) because we see each other at school often. I actually ran into him in the hall today and asked him to get sushi with me for lunch or whatnot, normal thing for us. I could tell there was tension because I had never mentioned I was seeing someone and my now very recent boyfriend made it facebook official last night and of course he saw it. So of course he was so inquisitive but I kept it as light as I could. I mentioned to him that his best friend carlos actually knew this new guy I was dating. Pretending like he didn’t totally creep and not know this information, he kept pressing for more.

So I told him one of this new guy’s exes was from west new york, fairly close to where my dickwad ex is from. I mentioned her name, and he immediatly rebuttled with ,”Wow you have some competition, she’s super pretty.” I was so offended. 1. having an ex tell you your almost not good enough for someone SUCKS 2. FUCK ugh now I’m so insecure, and just yesterday I was feeling so great and happy, i didnt care that I was pretty or not, I don’t rely on that to get guys. 3. Now I have an image of this gorgeous girl in the back of my head everytime I think of the new guy. And i don’t know how i’m going to act around him. I don’t want to come off as insecure, and I certaintly don’t want to tell him about this. 

I’m just really annoyed that dickwad said that remark. He has no filter, so I know he really meant it even if he did try to retract his statement right after. It still came out, now I’m feeling down. Like I have to compare myself to this past girl, and I know i’m being stupid. I hate that i couldn’t let this go hours ago, its been on my mind all day.UGH

4am Lab Reports

No one is worthless in this life. Feeling alone, empty, and worthless is a different story. Being with someone or having a significant other shouldn’t define your self-worth. Sure it’ll boost your self-esteem a bit to have someone, but we enter this world alone, and we leave it alone. People fade away and new people enter your life, its just how the world works. 

You don’t need someone to make you whole.

I’ve struggled with this issue as long as I can remember. I’ve always had a boyfriend since I was 14, I’ve rarely ever been single. This is the first time in my life where I can truly say i’m single and I’m really happy. I’m content in where I am and what I’m doing. Meeting new people and making friendships, working my ass off in school, and taking care of my health. 

Don’t rely on anyone else to make you happy. Learn to love yourself, and give yourself the world when you want it.